The Real Story
Seriously, I’m being framed by a pokey old “gramma – wannabe”! It wasn’t my fault. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!
I was out for a morning walk with Josephine and Henrietta. We were strolling along at 6:39 am when Josephine challenged me and said she could beat me across the road. I saw the lights headed in our direction and told her that we needed to wait. It would be too close to make sure that we could all three cross safely. But because Josephine ALWAYS has to be first, she takes off running.
And then what does that ditzy driver do?
She slows down. Josephine is across the road, I’m waiting on her and she, the one behind the wheel of that vehicle, decides to . . . slow down.
“REALLY? What was she thinking?”
I simply could NOT believe it. Where on earth did she go to school for driving? Maybe they will revoke her license!
Henrietta waited in the ditch, but I decided to cross before any other vehicles headed our way. The expression on that lady’s face was amazing.
I think she was praying or something because she was making this awful face and saying something. I know she wasn’t on her phone because I’ve seen plenty of those cause accidents before!
“Why on earth did she slow down?”
I really thought she was going to swerve to the other side of the road. That’s pretty dangerous and she would have rolled that little tin can if she’d tried that. But no, she has to go and slow down. If she had just kept going, she would have been fine.
So the car hits me where I’m just standing by the side of the road, minding my own business. It was headed towards me so I was braced for the impact and as the car hit, I was in the air bouncing across the road. I felt a slight scrape where some of my hair was gouged off my thigh, but that was it for injuries! I was so out of there before that lady did something silly and backed up to run over Henrietta.
Poor Henrietta; I don’t know if she will ever get over her near miss. She was so scared that she turned around and went back down in the ditch to hide. She refused to cross the road for hours. (Kinda silly because if anyone was going to be traumatized it should have been me, the deer who was hit by that silver Pontiac Vibe at 6:41 am on that dark Thursday morning.)
“Should I file a report? How do I make sure my side of the story gets told?”
Who knows what kind of lies that silly driver has been telling to cover up her failure to have control of her car! She should have been able to stop if she had just put her foot on the brake faster! Won’t someone want to talk to the witnesses?
“Not my fault! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! After all, there was a deer crossing sign there . . . I was following directions!”
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Now that I think of it, can I sue that lady driver in court for the damage, and pain and suffering caused? My hair looks like a trophy hanging on her car!
If you missed the story from the driver’s point of view, you can read it here.
Check out the writers, readers and teachers here. Thanks to Stacey, Anna, Beth, Tara, Dana and Betsy at “Two Writing Teachers” for creating a place for us to share our work. So grateful for this entire community of writers who also read, write and support each other!
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THIS IS THE BEST SLICE I HAVE READ. I love the point of view. You had me going for a minute but then the words of the True Story of the Three Little Pigs seemed to echo in my mind. Wonderful! YOU SHOULD PUBLISH THIS!
Anita,
As soon as I wrote the “serious” story, I started this one thinking of the “fun” change in point of view. The opportunity to poke a bit of fun at myself and to question my own thinking was just too good to pass up! Thank you!
Loving this point of view piece. Happy you are safe (and that driver, too) 😉 wink.
Marcie,
The auto repair shop is the real winner in this state. Saw another car that looked much worse yesterday so I’m still grateful that we are all okay!
I thought this was going to be a story about two chickens crossing the road…HA!
Thanks, Donna! I’m not sure where the names came from . . .
It was more than half way through that I realized it must be from the point of view of someone other than a human. I then thought it was a dog. Ah, a deer! Keep me engaged til the end.
Thanks, Kristi! That was the reaction that I was hoping (planning for) as I slowly released ideas and did not TELL everything. I see deer almost every day as they are very, very common in my neighborhood – amazing how our perspective is influenced by our background knowledge!
Thanks for commenting!
This was such fun! At first I thought you were out for a walk with little girls. Then when you talked about being hit, I started freaking out. But then you put the deer stuff out there, and it finally all clicked. Genius! I loved how your opening line reminded me of the opening from The True Story of the Three Little Pigs. Such fun to read about your experience from the deers’ point of view. I bet you had fun writing this one!
Erin,
That opening actually came from a shirt that my son picked up in San Antonio! You are so right – it was great fun writing this and I even told my sister that she would love this from a different POV today!
Thanks for being such a great reader and putting all the pieces together!
It took me a while to determine that it wasn’t you. I was picturing you on a walk with two friends, then one of your crazy friends challenges you to a race? Who does that? 🙂 Slowly it dawned on me who was speaking (can I claim this was read before coffee?), then I eagerly read on chuckling the entire time. Very cleverly crafted story!
Yes, you can claim before coffee. It was meant to be a bit of trickery (I am just pouring my coffee now – much gleeful cackling here!)! It was a fun story to write!
Awesome slice! You are inspiring me again. We have been talking about voice in writing in third grade and this will be a great mentor text. I will challenge my slicers to write one of their previous slices from another point of view. I hope you share this with your students!
Erika,
I’m going to be using this in PD with teachers! So excited to have personal writing that I “like” . . .
THANKS!
Love it! How things change when told from someone else’s point of view. Wish I had this when I was still teaching, especially when I taught POV.
I am so anxious to work with this with teachers! Critical to get practice in – even though it’s late in my career! Better late than never!
You had me going all the way. What a clever story! Now I want to read the real one.
Thanks, Margaret. It was fun to write. I will be interested in hearing what you think of the “real” one – perception/point of view matters!
Oh my gosh, Fran! Too much fun here. What a delightful read. You’re doing so many things there. I went back to reread the first one after reading this. Your literacy trickery made for a delightful put the puzzle together kind of story. And how awesome to have a story like this to share with teachers too. I see trying this in my future.
I’ve put it into my plans for PD – really want it to study many of the elements in an interesting narrative (events, tension, and facts, voice and point of view) through a compare and contrast version. I think this REALLY gets to the “try another way” in revision in the anchor standards. Hard but can be done!
It was so much fun! And that’s finally the point of writing alot – not to be a chore but to really engage in FUN!!!
Ok, now you don’t get to say you can’t write narrative! This was AWESOME! A hall of fame slice. Seriously, you had me going here thinking it was you. Next steps, find an illustrator for this story. LOVE it!
Thanks!
I’ve had to learn a lot about narratives to get to this stage! The deer in this slice will be this sleek, cute critter (could even have spots to show youth) while the deer in the previous slice will be 8′ tall with at least a 30 point rack!
FUN!
And it helps that I have a purpose – a class that I’m teaching this summer that I am working towards!
Such fun to read the two versions side by side, Fran. See, this is what March slicing does for you – it brings out the writer!
Tara,
Taking the time to follow through on my promise to think, read and act like a writer! Love what #SOL 15 March Challenge has helped me do and just think – – there are days left in the month! ❤
So important to provide time for teachers and students! Reading, writing and thinking!
Loved reading the perspective – and then going and reading your first slice. 🙂 Clever!
Thanks! They were FUN to write!
Love this voice flip and how you told this event from the deer’s perspective! By redefining the audience and point of view you have an amazing accompaniment to your Day 20 slice! Awesome!
Thanks, I’m really looking forward to using this with teachers and students!
I LOVE how you did these posts in different points of view! So clever!
I went back to read yesterday’s for the full effect. What a great pair of slices. Of course, I’m glad you are ok. I was laughing on today’s side. You did a great job of adding humor to this other point of view.
Thanks, Aileen!
Now that I’m 48 hours past it’s a bit easier to see the humor and not all the frustrations!
I drove a Vibe for 8 years. Good car. Any accident is nerve wracking, though.
Yes, the estimate and repair and the sheer “organizing” it all are time-consuming! Bigger than my Geo Metros that I drove for about 12 years!
I read yesterday’s, too, so hearing the other side of the story was wonderful. You did a great job with this point of view. I especially liked how they followed the deer crossing instructions! Again, glad you are OK.
Thanks, Rose!
I’m not usually big on anthromorphism, but I really needed to bring this full circle and the humor just seemed to rise up out of today’s slice so I could “get over it”!
I enjoyed reading the other point of view today. I hadn’t read you post yesterday, so I was a bit of a “deer in the headlights” thinking the narrator may have had only two legs.
Oh, Darlene, I wondered how it would work for those that just read today’s . . . glad that you were able to keep going to figure out the narrator!
I couldn’t figure it out at first. Can I say that I LOVE that you gave the deer names?!?!?!?!?! LOVE this!!!!! I’m going to read the “real story” now!
Thanks,Michelle!
Everyone needs a name! ❤
Loved both stories! poor deer – totally different view of the driver! Closest I came was to 2 moose on a road to Inuvik, in the dark and they swerved back.
OK, Bev, moose sound very scary! The days that I see 20 – 50 or more deer are usually ok; it’s the days that I just see a few that usually cause problems! (I probably see deer 50% of the days in a year! – I do live surrounded by a state forest!)
This is priceless, Fran! I also thought of The True Story of the Three Little Pigs. As I said yesterday, glad you’re okay. Can’t wait to see you next week!
Thanks, Catherine!
Looking forward to our learning next week!
And also glad that we all walked away! 🙂
I really had to concentrate while reading this post in order to put all of the pieces together! It makes me think of all of the work that we do FOR kids instead of letting them experience that struggle to make sense of a story as it unfolds. Hmm…
Great point, Susan.
It was a simple story but there were some details untold . . . the reader had to “put all the pieces together” in order to make sense!
Oh, my goodness, gracious! I’m glad you are ok! I’m also glad that you shared your point of view fun — stories travel, and I saw that others were thinking of different stories, such as The True Story of the Three Little Pigs. But I was thinking of “phone call” — that old can with a string game. How does the story change with what each person hears? LOL
Jennifer,
Hadn’t though of “phone call” – wow, that would add a different dimension!
Total fun!
[…] Wishing my car was “repaired” from the “deer damages” (see slices 20 Unexpected and 21 The Real Story) […]
[…] She had revisited the two versions of the deer story that was quite popular last March here and here and wondered what could lend itself to that same CCR. A. R. 6 Point of View standard. What do you […]